The 4 types of drunk people: As told by science

We’ve pretty much all seen first hand that alcohol affects people in different ways. There’s the emotional drunks, the angry drunks, the promiscuous drunks, the shouty drunks, the sickly drunks… the list goes on. Apparently though, we’re not all that different, with the majority of people fitting into one of four “drunk personality types,” according to a study from the University of Missouri-Columbia

The study placed drinkers into categories, conveniently named after various figures and characters from pop culture. You’ve got Mary Poppins, Mr Hyde, Nutty Professor, and Ernest Hemingway. We know it sounds like another cheesy internet quiz – but we promise this is legitimate science. So which one are you? Let’s find out…

Nutty Professor

drunk personality types 1

20% of participants

Possibly our favourite category. Usually pretty shy and introverted, Nutty Professors see a “dramatic increase in extroversion” after they’ve had a few. A poster boy for “Dutch Courage,” the Nutty Professor is that guy at work who struggles to even make eye contact with anyone on a day-to-day basis. But come the Christmas party, he’s on karaoke, shirt unbuttoned, screaming a drunken rendition of “Angels” by Robbie Williams.

Mary Poppins 

drunk personality types 2

14% of participants

Most likely to be female, Mary Poppins’ are “highly agreeable when sober” and “decrease less than average in conscientiousness, intellect, and agreeableness when intoxicated.” Basically they’re pretty pleasant people anyway, and remain just as pleasant after a few drinks, sassy behavior kept to a minimum. Aside from a seemingly uncontrollable need to let out an ear bursting scream when bumping into someone they know, or a song they like comes on, the Mary’s are usually pretty enjoyable drinkers to be around. As they say “practically perfect in every way”… well, almost!

Mr Hyde

drunk personality types 3

22% of participants

Described as “particularly less responsible, less intellectual, and more hostile when under the influence of alcohol,Mr Hyde’s are a fundamental force on your average British night out. Often found aggressively waving £10 notes in the faces of bar staff – “oi are you gonna’ serve me or what I’ve been waiting about an hour!?” – and ending their nights with a brawl outside the kebab shop. But it isn’t just the guys… ⅔ of this category are actually female. Unsurprisingly, Mr Hyde’s are the most likely to get into alcohol related trouble, and let’s be honest, aren’t usually the funnest of people to be around on a night out. Sound like you? Perhaps it’s time to steady on those Jägerbombs?

Ernest Hemingway

drunk personality types 4

44% of participants

Named after the writer who claimed he could “drink hell’s any amount of whiskey without getting drunk,” people who fall into this category don’t see any major personality changes after drinking alcohol. They’re lack of extreme drunken behaviour means they’re usually spared from any heart stopping “oh my god what have I done” drunken flashback moments the morning after; basically the guy that everyone wants to be at the office party.

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